need a laugh?

Another dreamboat from Craigslist. I’m sorry, these crack me up – and yes I have nothing better to do.

“Through my dealings with the fairer sex throughout my life, I have become completely disillusioned with females (all people really, but I’m not trying to date guys) and have now resorted to the internet in an effort to find one that I can at least tolerate for extended periods of time.
You want to know about me? I’ll tell you what I’m not.
1) I am not your father. I will not tolerate childish bullshit when you don’t get your way and I will not throw money at you to shut you up.
2) I am not your hobby. That’s why you have friends. This road goes both ways though, and you’re not expected to join me on any trips you don’t want to. I’ve got friends for that too.
3) I am not someone who puts the toilet seat down after I urinate. You’re a big girl now and if you can’t be bothered to so much as look at where you’re about to park your ass, you deserve the cold embrace of toilet water (and god help anyone around you on the road).
Here’s where we get to you. As a staunch rationalist, I realize you’re probably every bit as bitter with men as I am with your cunty compatriots, possibly having almost given up on us. My (admittedly weak) theory is you have not yet lost all hope but have simply turned to a less social lifestyle and are casually perusing the Craigslist personals just waiting for my ad to pop up so we can end our days in perpetual bliss or whatever storybook bullshit those cookie cutter girls get off on.
I am not an extremely picky guy. Being my dream girl is more a matter of the things you aren’t than the things you are.
My ideal woman
-when asked about her hobbies, has more to say than, “Like, you know, stuff,” or the always popular “shopping, hanging out, music, friends.”
-can think outside her own head and understand that while her wants and needs are her priority (and there’s nothing wrong with that), those around her have their own desires.
-takes care of herself to some degree. We can’t help certain aspects of our appearance, but if you don’t bathe regularly and have eaten yourself fat it demonstrates a fatal lack of respect for yourself that one would expect to bleed into other aspects of your behavior.
If you’ve read this much crap and are actually interested, we might just stand a chance. Send me an email that makes me think, laugh, or hope.
Just someone show me you’re not all the same.”

Anyone, anyone?

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3 responses to “need a laugh?

  1. Wow does this guy really expect someone to respond to his ad??? Is there someone out there who would respond to his ad??? Wow Lol… I am amazed… I swear you be makin this stuff up LOL…why would anyone waster their time writing this LOL… unless it was meant to be funny and not just piss women off LOL

  2. Finally, someone who understands me. I’m sold. What’s his number?

  3. richard, my sentiments exactly.

    oh, and, bueller, bueller…

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