Tag Archives: basketball

Why We All Hate Soccer

Why We All Hate Soccer

Currently I’m reading a book by Chuck Klosterman called “Sex, Drugs, And Cocoa Puffs”. I know what you’re thinking and don’t worry, you don’t not have to discredit my logic about the game of soccer because I am not quoting my reasons from this book. But, Chuck dedicates a chapter to the idea that Americans hate soccer. I think his reasoning is valid, but I don’t think he quite grasps the real reason we hate soccer…and he couldn’t know either, he’s not an athlete.

Chuck’s idea as to why we hate soccer
~First off, tons of kids play soccer. In fact it is the No. 1 youth participation sport in the U.S. according to Soccer Industry Council of America (probably really unbiased). On the surface this might make you think that soccer will make a comeback in this country, but that is just nonsense. The reason so many kids play youth soccer is not because they love it, and are really good at it, it’s because kids can completely suck at it and no one really notices. It’s not like baseball where every kid has to bat, and face the embarrassing truth to themselves and all bystands that they have no hand-eye coordinator and look like a dummy missing every ball that blows by them. In basketball with only 5 kids on the court, again, a kid that’s got no game is going to look like a moron when he can’t dribble to save his life and throws the ball away when it hits his hands (not to mention the embarrassment of air balls).

BUT, in soccer, if a kid is awfully unathletic and terrible, he can hit this by simple never touching the ball. It’s a win-win. The kid wins because he gets to be part of a team and feel like one of the gang, and he gets to please his parents by being involved in an extra-curricular, all while hiding the fact that he secretly is a horrible soccer player (which could also be considered a win. So Michael Scott would categorize this situation as a “win-win-win”. It’s the only sport of it’s kind. That sums up Chuck’s theory.

The real reason we hate soccer (My reasoning):
~Normal American athletes suck at it. That’s it.

Think about it: great athletes in this country are defined by being great at one of the following top American sports: Football, Baseball, Basketball. All of these sports are played with heavily hand-eye coordination skills. Sure, there is some foot coordination involved in these sports. Take defense for example (but we don’t hold up these players as high as we do the scorers, let’s be honest). Largely, these sports are based on passing, catching, shooting, hitting, throwing – all hand-eye. These are our great athletes – the men and women who succeed in these skills. We love them, we worship them…then there is soccer.

Soccer makes an idiot of our hand-eye athlete friends. They suck at soccer. If I’m a football player and decide to try out basketball, I will realize, hey – I’m really not bad at this. Same goes with any of these sports, even tennis works like this. But soccer is different. There is no hand-eye coordination in soccer, so all of the athletes we hold to the highest are horrible at it, therefore dismiss it completely.

We’re not raised as a people kicking a ball back and forth with our fathers; we’re raised playing catch with our dads, honing the skills of a future basketball star. We’re almost natural good at these sports due to our culture. Since we naturally suck at soccer, we don’t play it. We’re Americans! We hate being bad at stuff, especially sports.

Me, being a basketball, volleyball, hand-eye coordination nut: I hate soccer. My advice: let’s just get rid of it completely. None of the real athletes in this country are any good at it anyway.

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Proof I’m getting old

Besides graduating from college, I’ve noticed some things about myself recently that have me showing my age. Some are most disturbing than others. May I note, that if you find some of these qualities are those which you are taking on yourself, that’s okay, I’m finding it’s not quite as bad as I once thought it might be.

1. I drink coffee with cream & sugar. While I enjoy a latte and a frappuccino, today I went to Dunkin’ Donut’s for a meeting and ordered a coffee, just a coffee. I would have felt like I was 12 getting the usual (fattening) caramel mocha frappuccino, so I decided to order a mature drink. And surprisingly, I liked it.

2. Weight isn’t so easy to maintain. Now that I’m not in college, hopping in every pick up game of volleyball or basketball, its much more difficult to stay active. So I realize that I can’t eat everything I like and I need to watch the food I eat because I might actually game some weight. This is a disaster. (It also doesn’t help that I work at a dessert company).

3. Bed time rules have changed. My entire life I’ve had problems going to bed before midnight. In fact, it was dang near impossible. Now, by 11pm, I’m exhausted and ready to go to sleep. Very serious change. It’s quite shocking actually.

4. I understand why people enjoy doing nothing. This was a question that plagued me for quite some time. Why/How do older people just sit around and do nothing? Are they depressed? Life must be awful for them! I’ve found its quite the contrary. Sometimes, not all the time, I too enjoy coming home from work and doing nothing simply because I’m tired and I want relax. For someone who is always on the go, this is a new, strange concept for me.

Other factors to add to the list about me or about you?

Will not knit for boredom

Normally when I write blogs, I give advice or my opinion, it’s honestly a wonder people read anything I write. Right now I’m working 20 hours a week, waiting for my other job to start up in August and I’m burdened with a problem I’ve also had but have never been bored enough to full understand its wrath. I have no hobbies.

I’m plagued by the productive emotions, you know, the ones that tell you you should be doing something besides watching TV and checking your mail. In fact, they tell you you should be making money or having exciting plans with friends or something? Even when I was at school and involved with my internship, classes, organizational meetings, pick-up volleyball and basketball and studying, the moment I sat down, I felt as though I should be doing something!

Now, everyday I come home from work at 5 and I eat dinner. Sometimes I read a book from cover to cover, other days I watch Seinfeld dvds or a movie with my mom. Other times I go out to get icecream. My real problem is, I don’t really have any hobbies. Sure I love to play sports, but I like the kind that you can’t play by yourself (meaning, I don’t like running). I will NOT take up knitting or basket-weaving (regardless of what my Facebook profile says) and I won’t be taking up eating. What the heck am I supposed to do? Any suggestions?